Let's Break Down Chad Johnson's Match.com Profile
You guys, I'm trying hard to limit myself to writing only recaps of the episodes. I genuinely fear that my man card is slowly being taken from me as I head down the beaten path to create and curate more content about The Bachelorette. But this... this I just couldn't resist. When I saw the story, the wedding-game-show current pulled me in and didn't let me go. Advice for you guys out there - if your girlfriend/wife/fiance/FWB wants you to watch The Bachelor... be warned. It may consume you.
Chad from The Bachelorette has a profile on Match.com that was created BEFORE he made is Bachelorette debut. Don't worry - it's everything that you'd expect, including some interesting twists on religion and education.
Thanks to an article published by wetpaint.com, I was able to find some iPhone screenshots of his profile.
Honorable Discharge - should we, as the viewers - the sole reason this show even makes money - have the right to know that he had been discharged from the military? Although honorably, I feel like this is still important information. Has to be some reason it wasn't brought up.
"I am very spiritual and have found my own set of beliefs through years or studying on the side and putting the pieces together."
A) If you're going to write a novel on your dating website profile, at least make sure you correct your or/of typos.
B) Does this mean that Chad has created and formed his own religion? I do not want to know any more. Okay, I lied. I kinda do.
"Eventually, I want to be...... completely financially set by age 30 living on the beach"
This is definitely that ego talking. He says he's on the right path to get there at age 26. That's 4 years. I'm technically on the right path to get there at 22, but I'm not going to tell people to come visit me in the Keys when I'm 26. Also, the beach is one of the few places that tolerates consistently shirtless men in their mid-to-late twenties, so that's probably the underlying reason.
"I do only date fit, beautiful women so if that isn't you we can be friends, but there won't be any dating."
First, what a douche thing to say. Really, who comes right out and says that? Also, it's apparent that he doesn't actually date fit, beautiful women (or anyone for that matter). If he did have this incredible track record with these gorgeous fitness freaks, he wouldn't be chasing butt on dating websites and reality TV shows. MYTH. BUSTED.
"I don't believe in college"
Now I'm really curious to learn about the religion of Chadology. Tell that to the next successful, beautiful woman and see how that plays out.
He goes on to state that his occupation is "dreams," and that he's slightly confused by the term "ethnicity" by discussing his genes instead. These things happen to those who adopt Chadology and stop believing in college. He states that he believes in God, but that it's probably different than your belief in God because he combines everything and doesn't contradict other religions.
"I almost had my requirements for my associates with plans of plastic surgery."
Wait... what does this mean? Was he working for his Associates Degree* while planning a plastic surgery procedure? Or was he going to school for his Associates Degree with a plan to PURSUE plastic surgery? Again, fair warning to those who are debating their future with Chadology. Words are hard. Also, I don't think an Associate's Degree is going to get you into med school. But don't ask me, I'm the idiot here who believes in college.
Chad was also the owner of a Miniature Pinscher for 4 years until he let it out and it ran away. Much like most of The Bachelorette contestants would do if they wouldn't be sued for running and telling what REALLY happens at that house. He claims that even killing an ant isn't an option for him as he loves animals. I don't know about you, but people who go out of their way to NOT kill bugs/ants are psychopaths and you know it.
"I am a LEO. I am always in Charge. I know I'm the best."
He's so in charge that he capitalized the word 'Charge'. #ChadologyCollege
Thank you, Chad, for not being a fake douche just for the TV time. Thank you for being a real douche who was so douchey he had to resort to Match.com to try and find his niche market of "gorgeous, fit females who like guys who do steroids and make fools of themselves on national television." Good luck with that!
